Triggers

As parents we all have our trigger.  You know that “thing” your kids do that make you go from calm and loving, to irritable and spitting mad in a matter of seconds.  As I reflect on my experiences from growing up, I am amazed by the amount of complete patience my parents (mother, especially) had for me.  As a mother myself, I have come to respect, admire and genuinely LOVE my mom and dad.  Being a parent is a lot of pressure!  You do everything in your power to exercise patience, but these kids know your “trigger”, I swear. 

My parents were generally even tempered until I poked that hot button.  What was it, you ask?  My mom could not stand it when my sisters and I fought.  She could be on the other side of the house, and once she heard our voices rising she’d just show up.  “What’s going on in here?  What’s the problem?”  There’s nothing like your mom showing up to your fight to make it a complete buzz kill.  She wasn’t there to litigate.  She was there to put a complete stop to it.  There was no sense in trying to tattle our side of the story.  She didn’t care.  “Get over it and get along.”  Now, she would get involved if things got to a more serious level, but day-to-day arguments…well, that just needed to stop.  Because she was such an early responder to the fighting, it rarely got out of hand. 

My dad’s trigger: whining.  “Brewer’s don’t whine!!!”  “I’ll give you something to whine about if you keep that up!”

 I will say as a parent, I tend to side more with my dad.  However, I call it “complaining”.  Incessant complaining will make my blood pressure rise faster than HELLP syndrome.  “I don’t want to hear you say another word unless it’s positive."  “There are people in the world with real problems.”  That’s what my children will be quoting me as saying one day. 

I guess I should say I have “triggerS”…plural.  I bet you can guess what the other trigger is.  Yes, fighting.  My girls constantly get the lecture about treating each other with love and respect.  As sisters, you always need to have each other’s backs.  You need to be loyal to each other.  You’ll never have friends as good as your sisters.  I remember this from my mom’s discourses growing up, and guess what?  She was totally right.  My girls are so lucky to be so close in age.  They are so lucky to be able to share a life with each other.  They are strong, funny and smart.  They have so many different strengths and abilities that when combined, they are unstoppable.  They can’t let petty bickering wreck that bond.  So, yeah, I get defensive of that relationship.

Today, my girls were all supposed to be taking turns playing this game on the computer.  Naturally, you see where this is going.  There were harsh words.  There was pinching.  There was slapping.  Hey, I have girls, that’s how we fight!  The fight abruptly ended with me (the ever patient peacemaker-ha!) calmly advising yelling at everyone to go to separate rooms.  I pulled out one of my favorite quotes from President Monson

 “Brothers and sisters, some of our greatest opportunities to demonstrate our love will be within the walls of our own homes. Love should be the very heart of family life, and yet sometimes it is not. There can be too much impatience, too much arguing, too many fights, too many tears. Lamented President Gordon B. Hinckley: 'Why is it that the [ones] we love [most] become so frequently the targets of our harsh words? Why is it that [we] sometimes speak as if with daggers that cut to the quick?'  The answers to these questions may be different for each of us, and yet the bottom line is that the reasons do not matter. If we would keep the commandment to love one another, we must treat each other with kindness and respect.”

I gathered everyone together for an impromptu devotional.  After I read the quote and reiterated why fighting makes me so upset, all three girls were crying.  Anna speaks up with a quivering, stuffy nose voice and says, “Mom, I want you to know the ONLY reason we are crying right now is because we don’t want ‘ANOTHER’ (insert sarcastic eye roll and air quotes) Family Home Evening lesson on this.”  HAHAHA!!  I am still cracking up!  At least they are united in tiring of my constant pep talks.

All I can do is hope that my advice, encouragement, “another Family Home Evening lesson” will sink in.  Then if I’m lucky, their own daughters will be "triggering" them one day to teach these important life lessons.