Mushy, Gushy Love Talk

With today being Valentine’s Day I’ve been seeing a lot of “happy couple” pics.  Don’t get me wrong…I love seeing them!  When I think of my Valentine, I do feel genuinely happy.  Today, however, my mind has been swimming with memories of hard times.  We got engaged 16 years ago (yesterday).  We were both young and skinny and optimistic.  It was that butterfly tummy, giddy smiles, heart palpitating rush kind of love.  Nothing could ever be better or feel more intense.  When I was admitted to the hospital while pregnant with Raychel, I don’t remember much.  What I do remember was James.  I was woken several times by him applying Burt’s Bees to my dried out lips.  When my head was too weak to lift off the pillow, he would spoon sips of water into my mouth.  We would look at each other and just cry.  Cry because we were tired and worried.  He held the pink hospital bucket as I barfed then he’d wipe my face with a cool cloth.  As it usually goes when you’re sick, this mostly took place in the middle of the night-so no one slept.  I was an unshowered, puffy, bloated mess.  Being the man he is, he’d go to work the next morning, come back to the hospital in the evening and do it all over again.  He never complained, and he never expressed any irritation.  He was consistent.  There have been several more bumps in the road since then, and I’ve learned that true love is more than butterflies.  It’s deeper than the surface.  It goes beyond the pretty smiles and glowing skin.  It’s more intense than the physical attraction.  True love is safety and comfort no matter the situation…and some situations are really ugly.  True love is a choice.  I can only imagine how exhausted James must have felt.  How easy it would have been for him to just sleep through or ignore my constant moaning and crying.  He chose to sacrifice his physical comforts so I could feel safe and acknowledged.  That connection is priceless and fought hard for.  I’m thankful that he’s everything I’ve ever wanted.  I’m thankful he completes my life in ways I never knew I needed.