The Good Life: The Lord Is Merciful

When I rush out of the house, I run buy all the rooms to close the doors. Jade likes to make herself comfortable on our beds AND our pillows. No, she didn’t get the memo that she’s a DOG. Call me crazy, but I don’t particularly enjoy a dog hair covered pillow when I go to bed at night. Raychel’s door is the last to shut before I head out to the garage. A few weeks ago, I saw this scene in her bed, and I had to stop to take a picture. Seeing that little stuffed animal reminded me how merciful the Lord is to me. I feel so grateful for His constant, unconditional love and acceptance, even though I don’t deserve any of it.

A few weeks ago during FHE, we were talking about Elder Bednar’s talk entitled “Tender Mercies”. I’ve been thinking a lot about my brother, Grant, and his upcoming mission. I’m so excited for him! I know this will be a remarkable learning experience for him. He’ll grow, he’ll gain knowledge, and he’ll acquire skills that will help him for the rest of his life. With that being said, I’m a little anxious at the same time. Those of us who are “older and wiser” know that wisdom and experience do not come cheap or easy. Character building changes are fought for and they are earned…not randomly given out. I love my little brother. Since I’m “older and wiser”, I’m naturally a little worried about this next transitional phase of his life. I know he’ll be amazing and adapt, however, I also know it will be hard. Lonliness, homesickness, language barriers, rejection, self doubt, bad food…just to name a few worries that come to mind. Even though we know struggle is ultimately for one’s good, we never like to see the ones we love suffer. I love how the Spirit of the Lord whispers to us at random times…many times as we’re doing the mundane chores of life. I was taking a walk one afternoon, and thinking of Grant. These words came to my mind, just out of the blue: “The Lord is merciful. The Lord is merciful.” Even in the midst of our struggles and “learning experiences”, the Lord is merciful.

I thought I needed to be more diligent in recording these blessings. Once such instance is as follows. It’s common knowledge that I was very sick prior to giving birth to Raychel. I was admitted to the hospital at 25 weeks, and there was no hope of me returning home still pregnant. That news was devastating. I could see no light at the end of the tunnel. Terminal despair. How was I going to survive an unknown amount of time with a MAG drip, catheter, and the worry that I might not even have a baby to take home? Most of my “Raychel memories” are blurry and skewed. I don’t remember the order of the events since my brain was so hazy with illness and medication. I do remember one night (nighttime is always the worst!) I was so upset. I said to James, “I want to go home! I want Jade! I want to cuddle with her!” James left the room and came back with this stuffed German Shepherd dog he had bought in the gift shop. I just cried and cried into that stuffed animal. It’s such a pitiful memory! It makes me laugh and cry at the same time. Laugh because it’s so silly that a grown woman would take such comfort in a stuffed animal, and cry because I am still so thankful! What are the chances a hospital gift shop would have a German Shepherd stuffed animal available for purchase? I know that was the Lord showing His mercy toward me, and my current situation. That little dog was just what I needed to know He cared. Now Raychel sleeps with that dog every night. “Jaders” has been puked on hundreds of times and survived the washings. I get so sentimental this time of year thinking of the events leading up to Raychel’s birth. This little dog is a very important part of that story.